Can you belive that after 35 years in ministry, I still have days when I struggle with these basic questions: What is my purpose? Do I really believe I am called by God to do what I am doing? Or did I fall into it for lack of another career path I cared about? Do I really believe in a God who calls anyone? And what DO I believe about God? These are tough, persisting questions.
Without a concept of God calling, however, I am at a loss to know why some people are good and some are evil, some are generous and some are selfish. But then that leads to the quesion of why some people respond to God's call and others not. I believe God calls everyone to do good, to act generously, or as Micah says 'to love, mercy, justice and humility.' There---I guess I did say something I believe: God calls everyone to good. Once you get that far, I suppose its the free will question. Some respond and some do not. And I do believe that some cycles of evil get handed down from generation to generation, but so do some cycles of good. Though it sometimes seems counterintuitive, I believe that good is stronger than evil; that good can break the cycles of evil.
I can sometimes see small glimpses of good that I might have done in my ministry with others. But I will probably never have a clear sense of my purpose, or my ability to affect others. I guess that's okay. I have to leave some things for God. [Big sigh.] I've never been very patient with mystery. Blessings, Marja
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